Hi, I saw some other AMAs on here, so I hope it’s ok to post one too, otherwise I’ll gladly remove it.
I’m a 23yo trans woman and I have Hypersexuality, formerly known as nymphomania. I’m attempting to get an 6C72 Diagnosis under the ICD-11, although it’s unlikely I’ll get one soon.
Hypersexuality combines a high sex drive with a compulsive behavior disorder (to make it clear: high sex drives alone does NOT equal hypersexuality). Due to this, a lot of my life revolves around sex and intimacy. As it’s a disorder, there is also a certain level of distress that comes from it.
Feel free to Ask Me Anything! No questions are off limits! I’ll try to answer everything as soon as possible
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Did it only occur after you transitioned or did you always have it? Have you noticed other changes like increased sensitivity/ more ticklish?
I always had it, it just became more noticeable to me after transitioning. Taking hormones (and especially testosterone blockers) totally kills your sex drive (which makes sense, testosterone was my primary hormone for controlling my sex drive before). Ever since then the separation between my bodily sex drive and my mental sex drive became very apparent. Having no bodily sex drive anymore killed my desire for masturbation, as there is pretty much no need for it. My mental sex drive however still stayed strong, which made it obvious that this is more than just a natural sex drive. I yearn hard for any sexual interaction. I sometimes even feel like I’m going crazy over it. It’s like my bodily sex drive fully went into my mental one
I did notice a lot of changes through HRT. My skin is wayyyyy more sensitive to touch. Also to pain. I was always very ticklish, so it’s hard to notice a difference there. My skin chafes very easily now, which can become an issue when walking because I have big enough thighs that they rub against each other. Interestingly I can receive a lot of pleasure through vibrations now. Before I was kinda “meh” when it came to that because I didn’t feel much. Now I bought a vibrating wand and the amount of pleasure from that is insane, best 80€ I ever spent. There’s probably more that I am forgetting right now
Interesting. Thanks for the reply. I guess I’m surprised. If I may ask another question, how long did you live as a male before transitioning? I know if I go long periods of time without sexual contact I begin to feel ‘stopped up’. It becomes where the longer I go without release the more it becomes an all consuming thought. So can you enlighten me? Was that similar to your experience and if so did the feeling abate when testosterone tapered off? I ask as I’m approaching middle age and wondering if such urges would taper off. If this would better be answered privately, you’re welcome to dm.
I transitioned socially when I was 20, so 3 years ago. I started hormones a year ago.
I think that what you’re describing is a relatively common thing, especially with people that have a higher sex drive. To me, some of that is also a bit more extreme. As I said, when I went on testosterone blockers I didn’t feel a need to masturbate anymore. At the time I wasn’t really sexually active, so I didn’t have any sexual activity going on for month when I started to notice me getting really horny. I thought nothing of it. But the next days it just go stronger. After 4 days, I was so horny that I felt drunk. My vision got blurry and I couldn’t walk straight. My friends thought I was abusing drugs and I somehow had to explain to them that, no, I’m just that horny. I tried masturbating at that time, but it didn’t help. It only went away once I had sex on day 6. Since then I rarely ever go a week without sex.
Now, for most people, testosterone will be the primary cause for their sex drive. But for me it’s all a lot more mental than that. I can’t really say if high sex drives taper off naturally. Maybe they do with age but I can’t really give an answer to that
I’ll bite, what was the kinkiest thing you’ve done to get off?
Probably going commando an entire day while wearing a short skirt and masturbating at work. Otherwise freezing cum for an entire month and doing anything from swallow, creampies to facials with it on one evening
Have you noticed any kind of escalation in the kind of sex you need? I am thinking of something like trying more and more extreme kinks as more vanilla stuff gets boring or similar changes that make you wonder where this will take you in the long term.
I’ve always been into a lot of kinks. To me, Vanilla isn’t boring per se, but I do want to live out my kinks whenever possible. Some of the stuff I’m into is extreme, but I don’t feel like it’s escalating over time. I still have vanilla sex sometimes, it’s not bad
Can you elaborate on what specifically causes distress for you? Like is it because you feel an overwhelming urge to touch people who may not want to be touched or what?
I always kind of want my sex drive to be higher haha. It’s a fun activity and I feel like my body slows me down unnecessarily.
I never really felt like touching others, I’d rather be touched myself.
I have this one compulsive behavior where I feel strongly urged to kiss a person whenever our faces are close. Very awkward feeling to have to suppress when somebody is looking over my shoulder at work. This also doesn’t discriminate people I dislike or am not into, which makes it more annoying
Okay, this is weird, I also have that!
I don’t think I have hypersexuality, just a high libido.
But ever since I was young I had this sort of intrusive thought about kissing people. It’s not necessarily when our faces are close, but it is a trigger. It also mostly happens when I first meet someone, and then it dies down.
And it is weird that there is no correlation to how I feel about this person. I had it towards people I dislike, people I find repulsive, etc.
I seriously never told a soul about this as I thought it is a very unique situation. Wow!
I think it’s actually not that abnormal itself. For me it’s just a lot more than an intrusive thought. There were situations were I had to aggressively pinch myself so I wouldn’t actually do it. The marks from that were visible for weeks
That does sound rough 😔
For me it is a slightly compelling intrusive thought, at most I have to shake my head to kind of “shake it out”
I had a lover like this, he was a lot of fun actually. He could do me a dozen times a day, it was crazy, he never ran out and nothing he wouldn’t do. But I do think it interfered with his life quite a bit. I’m a once a day lady at least but not compulsive in any way. I just remember being so relieved to not be the one with the stronger sex drive, lol.
What would be your preferred frequency for partnered sex and how many partners do you think it would take to cover that?
I wouldn’t want to do it 24/7, I need to have a life also and need to find a stable middle ground for it. 5 times a week would probably be perfect, everyday seems like it would stop me from getting things done (note: having sex one time is at least 2 hours long for me, quickies do nothing to help my needs)
I find a lot of people have very certain things they like to do during sex, while my needs are a lot more differentiated. I think at least 3 different people per week would probably be good. Doesn’t need to be the same 3 every week
Why are you hosting an AMA about having a disorder when you are not diagnosed with aforementioned disorder?
Because I still have that disorder and suffer from it? Idk what to tell you, many people have disorders they will never get diagnosed or know about. I at least know what is going on with me and can start on getting it diagnosed and form my life to better fit my needs. If I didn’t realize I have this, how do you think one would ever go about getting a diagnosis? How would I ever even start on getting therapy if I didn’t even know what’s wrong with me? Do you think you just get therapy randomly? I know so many people that had to fight for a diagnosis of something, as the medical system would rather not give them anything. Idk how you think one can get a diagnosis in today’s world at all if one isn’t diagnosed as a child (which is obviously out of the question for this)
I think the point is rather that self-diagnosis is notoriously unreliable. That’s not to diminish what you’ve experienced, but you’d hardly be the first to be told you “have some symptoms, but to qualify for a full diagnosis they’d have to be significantly worse”.
It’s died down a bit now, but there was a whole “undiagnosed mental disorder” craze on social media for a while, with loads of people claiming they had some kind of one-in-ten-million disorder. And of course in their videos they’d exhibit the symtoms but eventually they either were found out to be outright lying, or some had to be told by doctors that what they were doing didn’t qualify as a mental disorder.
Again, not trying to minimize what you’re experiencing of course (and I definitely don’t think you’re lying or anything like that). You seem very genuine in your answers and your experiences seem genuinely debilitating. But I don’t think anyone here is qualified to actually determine whether your self-diagnosis is actually accurate.
Imagine, in a few months time an expert sits down with you and points out XYZ that would actually suggest you don’t have this disorder (but perhaps something else) or it’s not so severe to warrant a diagnosis, even if it’s debilitating to you (e.g. “someone with hypersexuality wouldn’t be able to not kiss someone hovering next to their face at all”, or something). Everyone coming across this post won’t be told about that, and people may either relate with your experience, and then possibly wrongly believe they have it too, or maybe someone who does genuinely have it may not relate to your experience and wrongly believe that they must be suffering from something else.
Your experience is still interesting (and real, not trying to undermine you here), and so is this AMA. I can also understand your gripes with the medical system. But for caution’s sake, it’d be wise to not outright state you have hypersexuality (even if I believe you probably do), but rather are likely suffering from it, or that you’re in the process of getting diagnosed for it. All still true statements, and they don’t detract from what you’re going through, but structured such that it won’t by accident cause someone else to believe they have or haven’t got it too just in case you end up being wrong about the diagnosis (which again doesn’t detract from what you’re suffering from, it just might need a different label for example).
Fair, although I also did mention that I’m still in the process of getting a diagnosis. Otherwise you wouldn’t have known to bring this up. To me personally it feels like I would be tiptoing around reality if I kept on saying I likely have it. I used to for a long time, but that internal uncertainty also kept me from actually pursuing any change
Yeah I fully understand your position here. I think you’ve been transparent about your situation. The biggest risk ofc is people only reading the title and then skipping straight to the comment section, but I personally don’t regard it as that big of a risk.
“The process of getting a diagnosis” is very long though, and we of course can’t exactly tell whereabouts you’re at at the moment. Is it final deliberations, first questionnaire, or are you still exploring where to even ask for a diagnosis, etc… It sounds like you’re further along, but I can understand the first person who commented in this chain to be a bit apprehensive when people state “I have X”, only to then in the proverbial fine print mention that “they’re getting a diagnosis”, whatever that might mean.
Speaking of, how far along with the process are you?
Currently trying to get a therapist. But due to the healthcare system in my country this could take years. Especially since it’s not a priority since it’s nothing urgent
Good luck!
Thanks ^^
One doesn’t “Have that disorder” without first having “a diagnosis for that disorder”.
One does not have the ability to reliably diagnose themselves with anything, even if they are an expert in their field. They also cannot diagnose people they are close to. Humans have notoriously bad confirmation bias, which is why we require third party confirmations for things.
While you may experience what you believe to be “Hypersexuality”, what you are experiencing could be caused by a myriad of other things. Your claim that you have something, that is also not reliably studied or diagnosed, without any expert involved is dangerous at best. You may attempt to self treat in ways that are harmful because you have something that isn’t what you think it is; Others may see your claims and experience similar things, going down the same path of believing they “have the thing”, and hurting themselves with treatments that aren’t meant for them; Or getting involved in predatory communities.
Yes, the medical system leaves much to be desired. That does not mean it is right, or safe, to take matters into your own hands and act like you are capable of doing things people with decades of experience cannot do.
I hope you get the help you need, but it is irresponsible to claim that you have a disorder you do not know you have while acting as an authority on the disorder.
I feel you’re just arguing over semantics. I was clear that I am undiagnosed from the start. What “harmful self treatment” could I possibly do? Have sex? Oh no! If it gives me a solid framework to interpret my own needs and helps life my day-to-day life, I don’t see the issue. I’m also not “acting as an authority”, you’re just pulling things from thin air to try and argue why this is supposedly bad
That does not mean it is right, or safe, to take matters into your own hands and act like you are capable of doing things people with decades of experience cannot do.
I’m also self diagnosed with ADHD, because medical professionals literally refuse to even see adults for that. I have self medicated for it before, which saved my life. I wouldn’t be able to fucking talk to you if I hadn’t. What a fucking stupid opinion.
And you know how I knew I was right about that? Because taking ADHD meds when you don’t have ADHD gives you an experience like ADHD for the duration. If you do have ADHD, it feels like your at peace for the first time on your life. Like all your life was constant TV static and it’s finally calm. So I have actual proof of it without a diagnosis. Which again, saved me from suicide.
Again: MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS REFUSE TO EVEN SEE ME FOR IT! THEY WILL LITERALLY NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! HOW DO YOU FUCKING THINK THAT SHOULD BE SOLVED, HUH??? I’M LISTENING FOR SUGGESTIONS
Take care of yourself.
Hey. I barely did not qualify for hypersexuality. I got an extremely high sex drive but my compulsive behaviors are not frequent or problematic enough to warrant a diagnosis apparently. Welp.
But I got some questions :
How has this affected your life, work, relationships and friendships? Positive and negative because I know even though it can be difficult, there are some upsides for me at least.
Which compulsive behaviors do you experience?
Any hobbies that haven’t been absorbed by more sexy time?
What is your job and how do you get through the day?
How often do you have sex? How often do you masturbate?
Whats the craziest place you had sex at?
Whats the biggest trouble you have gotten in befause of hypersexuality?
Do you enjoy sex still or does it more feel like satisfying a basic need? Or both?
Feel free to answer only the ones you want ofc.
Damn, I’m sorry for getting denied a diagnosis, that sucks :/
How has this affected your life, work, relationships and friendships?
Life is good, despite everything. Work is surprisingly unaffected (more detail later). I’m exclusively in open/poly relationships now, as anything else would make me feel hugely unsatisfied. I’m so fucking lucky that the first girlfriend of my now polycule was poly (never thought about it before), because so much good came from it, I’ll never look back to my mono life. Friendships are good, although weird. I recently noticed that I don’t have a single friend whom I didn’t have sex with. Either because I took the chance of sex with them all or because I lost interest in the friendships without. It’s not that I have regular sex with them, it’s more that I don’t feel that close to them if we never had sex.
Which compulsive behaviors do you experience?
Don’t know if all of them are specifically compulsive, but: Cannot say no to sex, want more sex after sex unless I’m so exhausted that I cannot move, intense need to kiss somebody if they have their head very close to mine (super awkward at work, when people are looking over my shoulder to help me with stuff or look over my work. I had situations where I had to pinch myself so hard you could see the mark for weeks as to not actually kiss some random coworker), same thing again but with crotches (luckily that’s rarer) and a few more that I’m not remembering right now
Any hobbies that haven’t been absorbed by more sexy time?
Damn, what a callout 😅 I just realized that I haven’t played any roleplaying/pen&paper games in a while, so that’s also dead now. Stopped playing any video games 2 year ago. Didn’t do any of my creative hobbies in over 5. Nowadays when I’m alone and have some time on my hands I usually only watch YouTube and stuff like that, which I feel awful about because it feels like I’m wasting my time when I could be creating something. Sad to realize that I don’t really do any hobbies anymore
What is your job and how do you get through the day?
IT job, very chill. I get by quite good, although I’m often distracted. Coding is quite nice, because it distracts me from everything else. I used to do it as a hobby, but stopped when I started it as work. I’m actually surprised (and quite happy) that the one compulsive behavior from before never happened, it would probably ruin it all.
How often do you have sex? How often do you masturbate?
Sex around twice a week, although 5 times would be my preferred amount. One circle of people I had regular sex with kinda imploded on me (nothing actually happened, I just don’t really see them anymore for different, non-dramatic reasons) and now I’m currently struggling on getting my sex frequency back up. Masturbation I also do twice a week, but more because I should to prevent penile athropy as a trans women, not because I enjoy it. Masturbation has been boring for while now and I wouldn’t be doing it at all if had more sex again. Due to my testosterone blockers (basically the strongest anti-aphrodisiac one could take) I should loose my sex drive completely, but it’s more like it was separated into physical and mental horny-ness. I feel zero need to masturbate, but my mental need for sex is stronger than ever. I only once went over a month without sex or masturbation and I got continuingly more horny until I was actually drunk from it. I was so out of it that friends were worried and approached me about it because they thought I was abusing drugs (I never do, just was that horny)
What’s the craziest place you had sex at?
Probably my dad’s living room while he was asleep. Or my girlfriends room while multiple people were in the room doing other stuff. While I would definitely be up for doing something in public, I’d never go through with it as the legal consequences here are too high.
What’s the biggest trouble you have gotten in because of hypersexuality?
Don’t want to get into details because of trauma, but there is this one thing that I cannot talk to anyone about and will probably take to my grave if nothing extraordinary happens, as otherwise it will nuke an entire friend group and ruin the lives of multiple people that mean a lot to me.
Do you enjoy sex still or does it more feel like satisfying a basic need? Or both?
Depends on the sex. Quick sex or masturbation in general does nothing for me in terms of reducing my needs. I love having very intense, long and exhausting sex. Sometimes with multiple people. It’s perfect when I can barely move afterwards
Thank you so much for the detailed answers. I can relate to several of these. Especially the kissing urge and having a nuke level secret or two.
Glad you never lost jobs due to fucking around at work too much or kissing people. I can tell you it’s not great. Now I’m self employed for a while and it’s a lot easier.
Overall I’m super glad for you as you sound very happy. Especially about your polycule situation which is rare and nice. I always found so much drama and not enough sex and love.
Being trans is probably tough as hell in most of life. But not having those intense physical urges to just cum must be nice. If I don’t ejaculate like three times a day I barely can focus on anything. But then I got my routines down now and it works. Did you ever have that strong physical need before?
No problem.
Regarding the polycule: I’m super happy to have found a bunch of people that are able to treat relationships in a very adult way. Never had drama in 2 years but am in 4 very loving relationships.
Now, I’m also lucky to be in a situation where I can be openly trans very safely. I have a lot of people that are supportive and was never in any dangerous situation because of it.
Funnily enough, it never occurred to me that I have a high sex drive until I got into my first relationships by the age of 20. I always thought “Hey, many people I know masturbate 3-4 times a day, once a day seems pretty normal”. What I didn’t consider was that they did it 10 minutes each time, while I did so for 4-6 hours. It’s good that this is reduced now by testosterone blockers. But now all my physical need has fully transformed in a need for sex, which can make it a bit more difficult.
I don’t ever actually cum during sex (difficult because of past trauma), only through masturbation. But I don’t actually feel like I need it, the sex alone feels way nicer than an orgasm ever did
That’s great to hear.
I know the feeling where the physical need to cum and the emotional need for sex which is often separate.
And yes, I find it difficult to masturbate for less then 2 hours as I just don’t want to stop. But I managed to get my pre work session down to 90 minutes and my lunch wank to around an hour. Although recently I started seeing someone for quickies at lunch time which is nice.
Evening faps often end up very long still if there is no sex. But I manage.
How does one find polycules without drama? I’ve never been involved in the drama but there have always been people being difficult with each other which just puts me off.
Very good question. I don’t really understand how I managed to find these great people, but I guess what’s important is to look for people that are independent and don’t rely on others for their daily life. Also ones that are mature and can talk about problems to solve them, especially relationship issues
So every other day of multi hour masturbation sessions is abnormal? 😅
Possibly? Depends on what you feel your body really needs. If it’s just for fun and because you have time and not because you feel you desperately need it it’s probably not a problem
I guess when I don’t have time I do go faster, but I still do it and feel some frustration that I have to be quick about it.
Can you separate, for want of a better word, “normal” sexual behaviours from those derived from your hypersexuality?
If so, how? If not, doesn’t that make you giving consent a bit of a grey area?
i, uh… hm. maybe learned a new thing about myself tonight
a lot of my life revolves around managing my sex drive, yeah. i have to make sure to reserve like an hour and change, every other day, at most, to keep myself functioning well. i did think it was weird it took me so long and it usually delays my sleep by an hour and contributes (along other factors) to a consistent pattern of sleep deprivation
i did a little reading and perhaps this is related to the ADHD. wouldn’t surprise me
more surprised that i thought it was normal to clock something like 5-10 hours a week getting off…
that said, i don’t think i want to get a diagnosis, i kind of like being wired like this. i can… mostly manage having a job fine haha
are you hoping to get a treatment for your hypersexuality via getting a diagnosis? or just a dx for accommodations in the workplace or something? no need to answer if you don’t want to
(for background, i’m also trans, although trans masc and about ten years older than you. but i’ve been hypersexual for as long as i can remember; since i was a teenager i was basically a compulsive masturbator)
(it’s an interesting mix with being demi, i’m actually a lot more interested in masturbation than sex… except when i have someone i’m interested in. then i become a sex demon 😈)
That could just be a very high sex drive. Hypersexuality specifically is a compulsive disorder in which you often feel forced to do things with people. ADHD definitely has an impact on all this, I think.
To be quite honest, I had weeks in which I clocked 40+ hours of masturbation, that was just the norm for me (basically a full time job LOL)
I don’t think a diagnosis will give me access to any tools to handle this. Like what, I would tell my workplace “Sorry, I’m always horny. Please accommodate my needs.” XD. I would mainly want it to understand myself better.
i mean, the nice thing about medical accommodations, i think, is that they don’t need to know what it is? they just need the documentation showing what your required accommodations are
but yes, i understand it’s different from a high sex drive. i guess you didn’t specify the origins of the compulsion, but at some point, it becomes nuch easier for me to do it regardless of the impact on my life (e.g. sleep) than not to, despite consistently eating about an hour of time (because otherwise it’ll keep me awake for several hours and i won’t be able to sleep at all). there are times where the impulse has been so strong i can’t focus on work till it’s dealt with, times i’ve snuck off to deal with it at work (thankfully, this has been a rare occurrence…)
like, i don’t mind it and sometimes i like it, but it definitely impacts my life in ways i’m more cognizant of as i try to take care of myself better. obviously, i’m not required by my body to put in a full work’s week of masturbating, but i’m not sure if the 5-10 hours i mentioned is negotiable; this is just the minimum i can get by on, i could easily go above that (although i won’t lie, 40+ is impressive)
Hope you don’t mind me chiming in, this just sounds a lot like me. Will keep an eye on the replies
The high sex drive or the hypersexuality? Do you feel like you have compulsive behavior when it comes to sex?
I too am horny all the time
