I almost don’t want to shatter your bubble. Consensual Non-Consent. Means that one partner can take the other partner at any time without warning. And I had the similar situation as the comment you replied to. She wanted to until I picked her up over my shoulder and carried her to the bedroom.
I think you’re mixing up a lack of specific consent to a specific situation and non-consent. What you’re describing sounds more like free use than CNC. They can overlap, but the venn diagram isn’t a circle.
CNC is an agreement that one partner can act as if they don’t consent or revoke it while actually still consenting. It’s something people who like to be dominated and physically submitted can enjoy without needing to take on the risks involved in finding that for real, since even people who like their boundaries pushed a bit have limits beyond which it stops being enjoyable and could even become traumatizing.
Free use is an agreement that says consent is always implied. It’s nice for those who prefer physical seduction over verbal, or who like sex to go from 0-100 faster than they can realize their partner is initiating.
They can sound similar, but where they can differ is important.
For CNC, consent can usually be revoked using a safeword. “No” doesn’t mean “no” but some other word can. It can be a good idea to have codewords for “more of this”, “stop that specific thing but not everything else”, “slow down”, “pause for a break or talk but I want to resume after”, and “just stop, we’re done”.
For free use, unless there’s a CNC agreement on top of it, “no” still means no. Consent might be implied but can still be revoked.
At their extremes, they are pretty much the same thing, but to assume someone being interested in CNC means you can randomly just do it or that free use means they can’t say no is actually closer to real rape than rape play. And whether it actually crosses the boundary has nothing to do with your intentions but everything to do with how your partner sees the act.
Don’t ever assume anything when it comes to this shit. Even if you were right in your description, your partner might still have a different idea than you do. Talk about it extensively and very specifically, especially concerning boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed during play. Go slow and ease into it. You can always have better sex later if you both decide you want more.
Some people freeze and shut down when something traumatic happens to them, so going all out from the start might involve blasting past a boundary they didn’t realize they had, and then you assuming their body language is part of the play, only to find out after the fact that they hated the whole thing and might have even lost feelings for you because of it. And then you might still go to prison for rape, despite having no intention of doing so in the first place.
Not authoritative. And the definition given is dangerous and misleading. CNC absolutely does not mean “the ability to withdraw consent has been waived”!! You should have thought twice before you cited that.
CNC includes a wide range of activities, and impressionable young people should check exactly what is meant in context. CNC is SIMULATED non-consent. If you are really in a situation where you have waived or expect your partner to waive the power to withdraw consent, you have left the realm of kink and BDSM and you are DEEP into abuse.
That definition seems confusing and wrong. Isn’t it just rape play?
Because the wiki definition makes it sound like you revoke your ability to refuse, which makes no sense, like that can’t end in anything good, it’s basically invalidating safe words 😅
CNC is rape play, yes, and yes, there should always be safe words, just nothing like “no” because going against “no” is the entire point.
This is not for everyone but at the same time, please don’t kink shame. Just bet you don’t like it doesn’t mean someone else gets off on it. Quite a few women are into this, apparently.
There is also “no safe words” which is a whole nother level that I would not go into as that’s dangerous territory, both physically, ethically, and legally. Stay away.
I mean before even thinking of thinking about trying it you need to have a partner you can trust and as these situations are agreed upon before hand, there are usually agreed upon rules involved. Like “spank and slap me, don’t punch and choke me”. Beas with all things trust and communication before hand, and being a vigilant partner always.
I almost don’t want to shatter your bubble. Consensual Non-Consent. Means that one partner can take the other partner at any time without warning. And I had the similar situation as the comment you replied to. She wanted to until I picked her up over my shoulder and carried her to the bedroom.
I think you’re mixing up a lack of specific consent to a specific situation and non-consent. What you’re describing sounds more like free use than CNC. They can overlap, but the venn diagram isn’t a circle.
CNC is an agreement that one partner can act as if they don’t consent or revoke it while actually still consenting. It’s something people who like to be dominated and physically submitted can enjoy without needing to take on the risks involved in finding that for real, since even people who like their boundaries pushed a bit have limits beyond which it stops being enjoyable and could even become traumatizing.
Free use is an agreement that says consent is always implied. It’s nice for those who prefer physical seduction over verbal, or who like sex to go from 0-100 faster than they can realize their partner is initiating.
They can sound similar, but where they can differ is important.
For CNC, consent can usually be revoked using a safeword. “No” doesn’t mean “no” but some other word can. It can be a good idea to have codewords for “more of this”, “stop that specific thing but not everything else”, “slow down”, “pause for a break or talk but I want to resume after”, and “just stop, we’re done”.
For free use, unless there’s a CNC agreement on top of it, “no” still means no. Consent might be implied but can still be revoked.
At their extremes, they are pretty much the same thing, but to assume someone being interested in CNC means you can randomly just do it or that free use means they can’t say no is actually closer to real rape than rape play. And whether it actually crosses the boundary has nothing to do with your intentions but everything to do with how your partner sees the act.
Don’t ever assume anything when it comes to this shit. Even if you were right in your description, your partner might still have a different idea than you do. Talk about it extensively and very specifically, especially concerning boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed during play. Go slow and ease into it. You can always have better sex later if you both decide you want more.
Some people freeze and shut down when something traumatic happens to them, so going all out from the start might involve blasting past a boundary they didn’t realize they had, and then you assuming their body language is part of the play, only to find out after the fact that they hated the whole thing and might have even lost feelings for you because of it. And then you might still go to prison for rape, despite having no intention of doing so in the first place.
NO, it does NOT mean that. I mean, it can in a specific case where that’s what you negotiate, but that’s not what it means in general.
https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/consensual_non-consent
Not authoritative. And the definition given is dangerous and misleading. CNC absolutely does not mean “the ability to withdraw consent has been waived”!! You should have thought twice before you cited that.
CNC includes a wide range of activities, and impressionable young people should check exactly what is meant in context. CNC is SIMULATED non-consent. If you are really in a situation where you have waived or expect your partner to waive the power to withdraw consent, you have left the realm of kink and BDSM and you are DEEP into abuse.
That definition seems confusing and wrong. Isn’t it just rape play?
Because the wiki definition makes it sound like you revoke your ability to refuse, which makes no sense, like that can’t end in anything good, it’s basically invalidating safe words 😅
CNC is rape play, yes, and yes, there should always be safe words, just nothing like “no” because going against “no” is the entire point.
This is not for everyone but at the same time, please don’t kink shame. Just bet you don’t like it doesn’t mean someone else gets off on it. Quite a few women are into this, apparently.
There is also “no safe words” which is a whole nother level that I would not go into as that’s dangerous territory, both physically, ethically, and legally. Stay away.
Yes, and weirdly enough some people are into that. As loath as I am to quote Vice here: https://www.vice.com/en/article/consensual-non-consent-meaning/
And here: https://www.naturalcycles.com/cyclematters/consensual-non-consent
I would be into trying it, but I think only if I knew that I could physically get out if I truly wanted to 😅
Knowing that I am 100% in someone else’s hands is something that goes against my most basic instincts 😅
I mean before even thinking of thinking about trying it you need to have a partner you can trust and as these situations are agreed upon before hand, there are usually agreed upon rules involved. Like “spank and slap me, don’t punch and choke me”. Beas with all things trust and communication before hand, and being a vigilant partner always.
I just don’t think that for me it’s possible to trust anyone in that way. Not as in I don’t trust them, but rather my instincts can’t be ignored 😅
Well, it’s a good thing no one is going to try and force you into it.