Is this real? I know mormans are an extremely insane sect of an already extremely insane way of life, but this just seems like a whole new level.
It’s just another version of oral/anal doesn’t count.
Exmo here, I highly doubt it. There are rules against lesser forms of intamacy (petting), also this clearly violates the spirit of the law (of no premerital sex).
I could see it happening but any Mormon worth their salt would raise their eyebrow and deny it. This is on the level of holding a knife in the middle of a street and getting somebody to bump people into you, it’s not murder, right?
If you wanna talk crazy let’s talk about how you can figure out somebody’s secret name if you know the first time they went through temple endowment. Or how bigfoot is technically canon.
… I would like to hear more about this secret name…
I wanted to hear about Bigfoot being canon
It’s real. How widespread it is, that’s the question. Anecdotally I personally know of three real life instances of this, and several alleged.
Wait, is this same logic why my fridge has a “Sabbath” setting? 🤦🏼♂️
What? Your fridge can jump on beds?
And play Black Sabbath. Sweet.
Honestly, I had to ask what that seeing was for. I was further confused by the answer. 🤪
I was just thinking it’s similar to how Jews try to trick god. At least I’m not the only one.
There is a long rabbinic tradition of arguing with each other and god. Look up The Oven of Akhnai
What does that even mean? Does the door open itself on the hour?
It disables the ice/water dispenser, any ui elements and makes the light not turn on.
Hahaha sometimes religious people are hilarious
…sauce?
I attended BYU-I in person for three years. There was a lot of dumb s### that happened there, but I can say with confidence this wasn’t one of them. To not be a buzzkill though, I’ll share an actual saying that people use around campus: “BYU I do.” Because like 80-90% of students there expect to be married by the time they graduate.
Thanks for the insight - jump humping and soaking sound like the kind of bullshit my parents would believe because it was featured in some local news story.
Most “teen trends”, especially those related to sex, are just wildly blown out of proportion “stories” based on a couple of people trying something weird, someone else hearing about it, and now suddenly all the teens are doing it.
It reminds me of being in high school when my mom asked me if my girlfriend’s jelly bracelets were a sex thing because she heard about girls owing sex acts to guys who can break one.
It’s a repression thing, they can’t face having sexual fantasies of their own so their mind tricks them into thinking they’re super interested in every news story about wild sex things - suddenly they’re up all night imagining wild and perverted things that are probably happening, but not because they like thinking about those things they reassure themselves, they’re a good moral person trying to protect civic morality…
Read interviews with satanic panic people, endless vivid details right out of an extreme romance novel. Tiktok human trafficking panic is another example, those videos with obviously made up warnings about sex rings and kidnapping methods - it’s all structured just like it’s porn equivalents.
I never heard of the jelly bracelet thing, but now I’m thinking about how that sort of thing can be way stronger than it looks.
I have some TPU filament that’s stretchy enough to feel flimsy, but after I realized I somehow couldn’t snap it, it became kind of a strength challenge. The strongest guy I know couldn’t snap it, and he bent a 36" pipe wrench once. But then again, there weren’t sex acts on the line.
What religion does to people.
Somehow god is all-knowing, but forgot to consider the loopholes.
To be fair, that’s pretty close to describing the Jewish faith. One fundamental tenet is that God put loopholes there on purpose, and it’s the rabbis’ duty to debate legalistically to extrapolate what he meant based on what he said. That’s why they’re called laws. (I was raised jewish, for the record)
One common one that most people have heard of by now since they went viral on youtube a couple years back, is eruvim. Since there’s a bunch of rules around how much effort you’re allowed to exert on the sabbath (e.g. you’re not allowed to move anything from inside your house to outside, or to carry anything heavy more than about half a meter while outside), people hang a wire, called an eruv (plural eruvim), encircling an area ranging from a small neighbourhood to several city blocks to the entire island of Manhattan, proclaiming it to be one big “home”, allowing practicing Jews to do anything they’re only allowed to do at home, anywhere inside its area.
Another fun one that has a lot of ramifications is that we’re not supposed to “start a fire” on sabbath, and rabbi have traditionally declared that turning something electrical on or off is “starting a fire”. Because of this, jewish hospitals have elevators that run constantly between floors so people can just walk on without actually pushing a button and causing a circuit to close. Or lightbulbs; for the longest time, the “solution” was just to leave your lights on all saturday in case you needed them, or maybe spring for electronic timers, or just get your goyim buddy to come over and turn em on for you, but with the modern prevalence of LED bulbs, there’s now jewish smart lights called “shabulbs” that have internal shutters which cover the LEDs without actually extingishing them, so you can turn it back “on” again without breaking the rules. Some places even sell ovens with a shabbat mode so they stay slightly warm all day and never turn all the way off, don’t show the display screen, and don’t turn on their internal lightbulb when you open them after sundown on friday! All this because there’s a rule against starting fires.
Maybe I got a bit off topic, but my point is, In some ways you might say that finding loopholes in Abrahamic law is practicing religion lol
I knew about the elevators (and forgot about Manhattan) but this one’s new for me:
Men approving this 2-year innovation’s hoodwinking of God:
So if I put a movement sensor that triggers a light in front of a jewish household, they couldn’t leave on sabbath because their movement would trigger a fire?
people hang a wire
yes yes, omniscient and omnipotent no doubt, this fucking string will fool god…
I honestly wonder if this is as hilarious to them as it is to outsiders
This was such a fun & interesting read. Thank you!
I’ve heard stuff like this several times from different sources over the years, but I’m still not convinced it’s not some elaborate collective prank. It reads like something written by Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams.
The really short version is that the jewish belief is that an omniscient god wrote the torah with the complete foreknowledge that people would be debating over its intent in edge cases for the rest of time, and so he wrote exactly what was necessary for rabbis to collectively come to the correct conclusions. If an interpretation would’ve been wrong, then god would’ve written that part differently.
Essentially it’s D&D rules lawyering
That’s super interesting. I was not raised Jewish at all, but I’ve heard an expression “making a fence around the Tora.” At least as it was explained to me, the idea is that we don’t really know what the exact line is for what we’re supposed to do, so we’re just going not even get close to the line so we know we’re definitely okay.
To me, that seems like the complete opposite of what you describe. Do you know if that’s a different interpretation/sect/denomination or if I’m misunderstanding and those loopholes are the fence around the Tora?
those loopholes are the fence around the Tora?
That is essentially correct. The torah itself is sacrosanct, and Rabbinic derivations are not seen as loopholes, so much as expert notes to aid in understanding the intent of the torah and accidentally violating the letter of the law. The really short version is, god is omniscient, and therefore knew when he spoke how his words would be interpreted for all time, and so if he didn’t want people to interpret them a certain way, he would’ve said something different. In other words, following the letter of the law is integral, but rules lawyering is not just allowed, it’s expected. There’s actually a famous jewish parable about a time rabbis exiled god himself from a debate because if he wanted to influence the proceedings, he should’ve done so in the torah.
“The torah says we can’t start a fire on the sabbath. But what counts as ‘fire’ or ‘starting’, exactly?” “The torah says we can’t carry a heavy object more than 4 cubits while outside our private domain on the sabbath. What counts as heavy? What is a private domain?”
I can just imagine having parents care about any of this and being SO annoyed by it. Worst I got as a kid is going to church on christmas before opening the presents. (We do presents on the evening of the 24th)
It was worse when I was a kid, in winter we had to heat the house to blistering on friday afternoons and just hope it stayed warm enough til sabbath ended (if it wasn’t, we had to get a non-Jewish friend to come turn the furnace on for a bit, and there was all sorts of rules about whether that was allowed too). And if you turned a light off at night by reflex, it stayed off. Nowadays there’s all sorts of “sabbath mode” gadgets lol
All this because there’s a rule against starting fires.
Shit… I though people over here were nuts… thank you for proving me wrong.
Jewish hospitals have paternoster lifts? That sounds ironic.
We call it the poophole loophole.
didnt some religion have a concept where since they believe god infallible, any loophole in the rules must therefore be intended, possibly as a reward for the cleverness of finding it? I forget which one that was
Pretty common among Jewish scholars.
I like the one where 4 rabbis are arguing 3-1 against each other and god tells them that the 1 guy is right and they respond with “Well that’s 2-3.”
That whole religion, especially the Kabbalah part, is super interesting to me, but it is just so dense that it’s hard to get into.
Not to kink shame but is this some sort of cuckold thing I’m too asexual to understand?
Nah, you aren’t supposed to have sex before marriage.
They get around this by putting a penis in a vagina but not moving at all. Someone else jumps on the bed to cause the movement.
Are they fucking morons? Just use a horse riding machine
Are they fucking morons
Close, they are mormons fucking
To be fair, the difference is so small you can barely tell.
No, not really. The person is jumping on the bed to help them out with their weird little loophole, not because they’re into watching other people fuck.
How did those girls keep a straight face that entire time
Are you new here, soak?
Is soaking still a thing or can it only be found in memes nowadays?
Gross
