places in oven
“Honey what’s that awful smell?”
“Who knows. Probably the neighbor’s leaf blower”
Five minutes go by
“It smells like cancer”
“Maybe they are sealcoating their driveway, I don’t know, stop asking me”
Twenty five minutes later
Opens oven
“Fuck”
Retching, coughing “Sweet baby Jesus, what the FUCK is that?! Melted plastic? On my new casserole dish?!”
“Open a goddamn window”
“Open all the fucking windows”
“Mommy why is the house stinky”
“Charlie go play outside”
“But Daddy–”
“I SAID GO OUTSIDE CHARLIE”
from outside “Daddy it smells out here too, the neighbors are doing something black to their driveway”
I’ve heard a trendy thing now is to only label one present as from Santa, the rest are from Mom and Dad. That way kids don’t find out there’s a huge disparity when they go back to school