As long as you didn’t bring that provoking pooch with you.

not yet?

I legit enjoy getting scared so much that the few times I’ve experienced sleep paralysis I’m like “oh boy! it’s happening!” —but apparently that is exactly how you end a sleep paralysis episode is to just know that it is one/knowing it’s one helps relax you back into sleep.

Really bums me out.

This having negative votes adds to the joke.

I thought it was funny. Absurdism humor is hard to do.

That’s a hell of a suffix to add at the end of “just following orders.”

I hope these three journalists have appropriate security for following these threads.

Pull out, don’t pull out, we’re fucked either way.

Upping the slave labor numbers.

nah it’s just me sucking the life force out of people who groan at dumb jokes

right in the exhaust pipe 😩

fuck cars

As the saying goes, “the wheels of justice turn slow— when moving forward. they go much faster in reverse.”

I remember hearing a dunk on vegans a while back that went “how do you know someone’s vegan? they’ll tell you.”

but in my experience it’s more like “how do you know someone hates vegans? they’ll tell you.”

Given my lack of self control with sugar and sodium, I’d probably OD on propofol if I had unchecked access to it. I can sleep for eight hours without any noisy neighbor or birds waking me up? What’s the catch?? Except the OD part of course.

Yeah I should’ve hyphenated cream-filled to maybe break up that consistent gap.

I would literally doodle these on a notepad, take a photo with my phone, jack up the contrast, then put the text in using my handwriting as a font; all in ~10 minutes with barely any QA. I’ve been meaning to remake/re-draw them, but I know myself and the more work I put into it the less I’d enjoy it.

“no sloppy Windows, guys— I mean it.”
“LET’S SLOP IT UP!”

unbelievable

…that the cops would show up that fast

I hate this place.

Daylight Saving Time is coming up; let’s just skip an hour and get there early. Chop chop.

It’s me. I’m the artist. I don’t sign my work.

I’ll put OC in title next time?