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From Merriam-Webster:

Learn in the sense of “teach” dates from the 13th century and was standard until at least the early 19th.

made them drunk with true Hollands—and then learned them the art of making bargains — Washington Irving

But by Mark Twain’s time it was receding to a speech form associated chiefly with the less educated.

never done nothing for three months but set in his back yard and learn that frog to jump — Mark Twain

The present-day status of learn has not risen. This use persists in speech, but in writing it appears mainly in the representation of such speech or its deliberate imitation for effect.

There are 64 books in the Horus Heresy.

Most people who vote with their wallets have long since stopped playing.

Hello, Dolores

And you know what’s really frightening? If you drink enough of it, you begin to like it

Turkey? Dude, his name’s Laserbeak.

You and your lizard are awesome. He looks like a little alien—I’m glad E.T. found home.

During COVID, I went a bit mad and got really into collecting Transformers action figures. I’m still not entirely sure why. One day I just bought one on a whim, and before I knew it my closet was full of unopened, mint condition toy robots.

Anyway, Christmas rolls around and I see a flyer for a local toy drive. A sudden compulsion hit me, so I loaded up my entire stash and donated the lot. Just like that, the spell was broken. Not even Soundwave was spared.

To this day, nobody in my life knows that I spent thousands of dollars on plastic crack, only to foist my addiction on some poor, unsuspecting kids. I like to imagine the War for Cybertron rages on in their hearts.

Luckily we have Fox News and random strangers on the internet who are willing to magnanimously inform us about the desolation of our own city.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go scavenge for hot dish in the smouldering ruins of Saint Paul.

Because the youth group was serving it with free donuts—it’s pretty much the reason I went. To be fair, they were really nice; it was just a bizarre experience. I didn’t realize you could just inherit a church and declare yourself a pastor without any formal training.

After looking up how much money my local megachurch took in last year ($60 mil) versus how much they spent on charity ($3 mil), I think you were probably justified.

When I was a freshman in college, I let this youth group convince me to visit their weird church. The “pastor” was a young guy who spent the entire sermon talking about how he squandered his time in college before eventually dropping out. Fortunately, the old pastor took pity on him and gave him a job as an assistant—running errands, cleaning, etc. Then one day the old pastor died, so our hero basically just took over since no one else wanted to.

When it was done he tried to sell us bags of stale coffee.

But they were all of them deceived, for another handmaiden was made…

That’s funny, I just watched a Tasting History episode that advised against death by misadventure.

Sounds like a rogue black hole

Man, I don’t know what I’d do without Aldi. Ironic that the best grocery chain in America is European, when the American Grocery Store used to be such a symbol of U.S. prosperity.

You’re not old until the music you don’t consider old becomes old.

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